I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
