Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
