i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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