You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
