Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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