Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
