Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
