It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
