we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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