what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
