Kiss
Puke
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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