when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My bed smells like the plague
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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