I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
