we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize