i can't believe i had my finger in that
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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