Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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