i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
