I cockslap morals
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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