mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My feet surprised me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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