I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
