I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
