And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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