Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
