How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
