In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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