Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
