YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Welp...herpes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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