Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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