Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
