3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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