I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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