On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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