If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
