How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
