I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
