The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
