I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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