I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
