Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
