I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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