Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
