I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
