I cockslap morals
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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