Just fell off a train. Bad.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
