my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
