I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
