just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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