you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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