I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
