i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
