Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize