He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
