You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
