Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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