hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize
