I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
