I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
