An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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