I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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