It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
