my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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