I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
