I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ladies don't puke and tell
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
