Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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