I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
