I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
