You're so nebulous sometimes
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
