hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All the doctor said was why
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize