He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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