you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
